Overriding Protocol
by ihavenoface
Summary: Sometimes, parents can be mortifying, especially in front of other people. Even famous starship captains go through these sorts of embarrassing moments. Oneshot. Warning: There is some swearing in this story.


**A/N: **Hello, everyone! This is my third ever fanfic, so I hope you like it. I got the idea while I was on the plane back from a summer camp. Who doesn't want a cute story where Jim is embarrassed by his mom in front of his crew? Anyways, please enjoy!

Disclaimer: Star Trek and its characters certainly do not belong to me. I wish they did, though...

* * *

"Captain, there's a ship hailing us. It's the USS Legacy. "

"Thank you, Lieutenant Uhura. Please put them on the screen." The USS Legacy? That was the ship Jim's mother had been reassigned to six months ago. Had something bad happened to it? Jim became slightly distressed, his hands tensing where they held the armrests of the captain's chair. The image of the other ship's captain appeared onscreen.

"Captain Kirk, this is Captain Joseph Kane of the USS Legacy. We have a problem in engineering that no one has been able to fix. No ship has encountered something like this before, so there are no records."

Jim sighed, relieved and just a tiny bit exasperated. Of course. His mom had probably yelled at Captain Kane to "fucking get her Jimmy on the screen before the ship blew up or something." It was only a year ago that Jim and Winona Kirk had repaired their familial bond after all the shit that happened with Frank and Tarsus IV, but now the two were extremely close. Jim was grateful that Captain Kane didn't just quote his mom; it would be extremely mortifying if Winona acted like she usually did to her dear son...which included a lot of teasing and endearment-calling. And cursing. But Winona Kirk just cursed a lot in general.

"Sure, put your CEO on the screen." With a quick "thanks," Kane switched the video feed from his main deck to engineering.

"Captain, would it not be more logical if you allowed Lieutenant Commander Scott in engineering to deal with this problem?" Spock asked.

Jim tried to smile, but it came out as a slight grimace. Sometimes it hurt to pretend to be more stupid than he actually was. Only his mother, Bones, and Pike knew that Jim was actually a genius, and Jim had made them swear to keep it a secret. Being a genius meant that people would take advantage of you. It meant that people would bully you, even hurt you because being a genius was unnatural, weird, humiliating for others, something to be highly envious of. And people didn't like that. Jim had proof.

"It's okay, Commander, just trust me on this." He focused his attention back to the screen. There was a middle-aged woman, with scraggly blonde hair and blue eyes and covered with sweat and grime, on the other end.

"Captain Kirk," the woman greeted.

"Lieutenant Commander Kirk," Jim replied. Through the corner of his eye, he could see his crew giving each other surprised looks. "What is the problem?"

"Warp doesn't work anymore. When we tried to use it, the engine started to overheat dangerously. I think something got loose, but I just don't know what."

Jim nodded. "Understood. The Legacy is a Newton-type ship, correct?" Winona nodded. Jim closed his eyes and drew up the Legacy's blueprint in his head. His crew observed that when their captain's eyes opened, he had an expression of intense concentration on his face that was usually seen in extreme situations. His crew gave each other unsure and questioning glances.

"There are three possibilities as to what happened. First, check the coils behind you over there. Is there anything stuck inside?"

"Nope, next."

"Okay. Second, check the tertiary conductor and see if there are any problems with the insulation."

"Nope. Last one."

"Okay, this one is the hardest. In the box to your left-no, that one-check to see if there is a disconnected or broken wire in the top right corner. It should be a very small and thin wire, so be careful."

"Ummm...yes! Found it!" Winona Kirk dashed off and returned with a bunch of tools and busied herself with the box. A minute later, there was a loud bang and a yelp. Jim jumped halfway out of his chair.

"Mom, you okay?!"

Winona turned around, with soot, a minute cut, and a wide grin on her face. "Of course, Jimmy! Thanks a lot; I knew you could do it! Damn, only you would know all the parts of a ship you don't even fucking captain!" She laughed.

Jim groaned inwardly. He shouldn't have slipped like that; now his mom was starting to act unprofessionally and talk too much. His crew members were right behind him. "Please, Lieutenant Commander Kirk, please do not-"

"Hold on, Jimmy, I have to go now. Love you, baby."

This time, Jim groaned for real. He buried his face in his hands. It was actually happening. He was absolutely mortified. And whenever Winona Kirk said, "Love you, baby," she expected an answer. If you didn't answer, you were screwed. Jim learned that the hard way.

His face still in his hands, he mumbled, "Love you too, Mom." Winona laughed (it sounded way too smug) and cut the feed.

Jim tried to draw himself up and summon what dignity he had left. He didn't have to look to know that his crew members were all shaking with contained laughter. Hell, even Spock looked highly amused in his Vulcan way. Finally, someone failed to keep a giggle from escaping their mouth. It was probably Chekov. Jim's cheeks flushed red. He spun around in his chair, one hundred percent done with everyone.

"Everybody just SHUT UP!"


End file.
